Saturday, April 13, 2013

12:00 AM - ,, No comments

Mindfulness and Love - A Pierced Heart

Our 18-year-old daughter has fallen head over heels in love here in Mexico. We've all learned a lot from the experience, but Tara has been forever changed because of her relationship with Gustavo.
In the beginning, we had our doubts. Tara first saw Gustavo when she went to Black House, a local store selling band t-shirts and body jewelry. She went to get her nose pierced, and despite the fact that she bled a bit more than she expected, she was completely smitten by the piercer.
Now, most parents of 18-year-old daughters don't take it too seriously when they hear that someone is "so cute" and "so nice". We completely dismissed her initial interest. However, Tara started going to Black House almost every day to "check out the t-shirts" and it became apparent that she had a crush on the piercer.
After a few weeks of this, Tara's no-nonsense German friend, Lisa, got sick and tired of the swooning and decided to take matters into her own hands. On one outing to Black House, she asked Gustavo what he was doing that night, and then dragged Tara to Jungle Juice where she proceeded to knock their heads together.
It was the beginning of a truly beautiful and unique relationship with someone Tara would never have even talked to two years ago. It turns out that Gustavo is a 22-year-old high school drop-out from a very poor family. But he's not at all what you'd think of based on that description.
This is a guy who reads the works of Shakespeare, Kant, and Nietzsche and though he isn't at all religious, he has read the Bible three times in order to, as he puts it, "know what it's all about." He writes poetry. He keeps notebooks full of drawings and ideas. He memorizes lyrics--in English--even though he doesn't speak the language at all. He looks up each word he doesn't know so he will be able to understand what the songs are meant to convey.
Tara's previous crushes tended to be very white-bread suburban American boys who played soccer, went to their parents' church, and planned to study sports medicine in college. Tara was always a straight-and-narrow kid with little tolerance for those she might regard as slackers or weirdos. At 16, she spent a year in Brazil, which gave her a much greater appreciation for cultural differences and a zest for nightlife and international friendships. Still, she came down to Mazatlan thinking she'd spend what would have been her senior year (she graduated early) improving her Spanish with no chance of meeting anyone worthy of her time or interest.
She never expected to connect with anyone deeply, and she certainly didn't have any idea that love would come and pierce her heart.
Gustavo (we dubbed him "Pierce" for obvious reasons) is a deep thinker who is romantic, gentle and kind. He has a warm and loyal group of friends who are also self-educated and passionate about ideas. He is very close to his sister and brother, and works extremely hard to earn a living and help his family while his father remains unemployed.
Because of Pierce, Tara has been introduced to a world she never knew existed. She has become part of a group of friends who love and support each other and live their ideals. They have intimate all-night gatherings on the beach to talk, laugh, drink beer and watch the moonlight reflected on the ocean.
Back in Oregon, Tara would be having intimate all-night gatherings of girls in pajamas watching chick movies and giggling over pizza and ice cream. She viewed the whole black t-shirt crowd as too angst-ridden, and was so focused on her education that she'd never consider going out with someone who had dropped out of school in the ninth grade.
A month from now, our family will be moving to Argentina and Tara will be on her way to Europe, where she will reconnect with the Belgian and Austrian friends she met in Brazil and spend a semester going to the University of Marburg in Germany. From there, she'll head to college in Canada, where she is likely to enter as a junior.
Tara was born in Japan, has traveled in India and Nepal, lived in Brazil and Mexico and is likely to explore a dozen more countries. Pierce has never left Mexico--and probably never will. Tara speaks English, Portuguese, and Spanish and is learning German. Pierce speaks only Spanish. Tara corresponds with her friends around the world daily via email and IM. Pierce has no computer--nor any computer skills.
Tara has learned about privilege and parity. She sees that she was born lucky, essentially winning the global lottery by virtue of her U.S. passport and American middle-class family. She knows that school isn't the only way to learn, that money doesn't make you smarter or kinder, and that income has nothing to do with the quality of your relationships or the depth of your soul.
I've watched Tara's heart expand exponentially these last few months. I've seen her grow from a cynical teenager to a tender, thoughtful adult.
As a mother, I am deeply grateful to have had Gustavo in our lives this year. He has stretched our minds, expanded our views, and pierced our hearts.
There's sure to be some excessive bleeding as we say goodbye.

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