Friday, March 29, 2013

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How To Find Lasting Love

30 years ago, I believed that finding a romantic partner was hard work. I thought I had to change how I looked, how I behaved and what I liked or disliked in order to attract a mate and have a successful romantic relationship.
I didn't think I was enough, so I became a master at chameleon-like behavior and could morph into whoever I needed to be depending on who I was with. I kept my opinions to myself. I didn't rock the boat and went along with whatever my significant other wanted to do. This worked for awhile. I did find what I thought was love, but how could it truly be love when my partner didn't really know who I was? Who had he actually fallen in love with? How could I truly love anyone else when I didn't love myself?
Each time I molded myself to become someone else's idea of how I should behave or what I should think or feel, the real me faded away a little more just like an image in an old photograph. I didn't know what the real me thought or felt any more. With each passing year, I lost touch with my authentic self. After years of silencing my inner voice, I couldn't tell the difference between the real me and the "good girl" I had become to please others.
A few failed relationships later, I finally started to understand that pretending to be something other than myself was sabotaging my relationships before they even got started. I learned that when I allow myself to be myself, I attract lots of terrific people into my life. These people love me for who I am. They don't try to control me and I don't try to control them.
In my coaching practice, I work with people who struggle with all sorts of different relationship challenges. Some of them are trying to hold on to love, others are trying to find love and some are trying to decide whether to stay or leave a relationship. In nearly every case, the common denominator is non-existent or low levels of self-acceptance.
Lasting love became a reality for me when I learned to love myself first and when I allowed myself to relax and be true to myself. Most of the time, my relationship with my spouse feels effortless. Whenever we do have disagreements, we are able to resolve them without destroying each other in the process. This is a far cry from my earlier relationships.
Self-acceptance or self-love is the foundation on which all good relationships are built. I'm not talking about conceit, but I am talking about having a quiet assured knowing that you are enough. Loving yourself is the solid foundation that you must have if you expect to have a loving relationship with someone else. One that will last through all the ups and downs of life. Why? Because when you respect and love yourself, you increase the chances that you will attract and be attracted to someone who feels the same way about himself or herself. When you feel good about yourself, the people you attract will not be looking for someone to complete them because, like you, they are already complete. A relationship between two complete people is relatively free of the neurosis that plague relationships in which one or both partners are insecure and needy.
Whether you are looking for love or trying to hold on to love, stop working so hard. Let go of whatever it is you are trying to make happen in that arena. Take the focus off the other person and concentrate on you. What could you do today to start loving yourself a little more?
Here are a couple of things you can try today:
Make a list of 25 things you love about yourself. It's okay if it takes you a few days to come up with the list, but once you have it, post it where you see it every morning and every night before you go to sleep.
Another helpful exercise is to list the characteristics or behaviors are you looking for in your partner or potential partner. Here's the twist... instead of looking for those ideals in another person, look for those characteristics in yourself and begin to strengthen those "muscles".
Lasting love with another person can only happen if you have a deep love and respect for yourself first. It may take a little time and effort to get to that place of unconditional love of self, but the rewards far outweigh the time it takes. Self-acceptance not only makes lasting love possible, but it can stave off loneliness and it opens the door to success in all areas of life.

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Is Love at First Sight Possible?

We've all heard the fairytales where a couple meets and instantly falls in love. Love at first sight is a concept that is widely used in movies and books, but is it really possible? Can you actually fall for someone the moment you meet them? Or is "love at first sight" something that is reserved for fiction? The truth may surprise you.
There is no definitive "yes" or "no" answer to the plausibility of love at first sight. Love is complicated and has many, many levels to it. Love at first sight may seem like an appealing concept, but if you're not careful with your emotions, you could cause yourself some serious heartbreak. It's important to look at the situation as objectively as you can when entering into any relationship, especially one that may have you blinded by sparks flying in the beginning!
Love at first sight is indeed possible in a way. There is living proof! There are plenty of couples out there who felt that initial spark upon meeting who are still together. This is because they were attracted to each other's appearance, which is how most encounters begin.
Being physically attracted to someone does not necessarily imply that you are in love with them from the get go, but that doesn't mean it lacks significance. Physical attraction is part of the chemistry in a relationship; it's what initially makes us want to be with someone and act on those desires. So in this way, love at first sight can be real!
Love at first sight, if you examine it closely, is really more of an infatuation period. You can't really be in love with someone if you don't even know them, but if you do get to know them and a deeper bond develops, it is very easy to look at your first meeting as a love at first sight scenario.
It is important that you approach situations that feel like love at first sight with caution. Don't make any commitments or sacrifices for somebody that you don't even know yet. The love at first sight feeling can be overwhelming in the beginning, but don't let it cloud your judgement entirely. While there is certainly a chance that your initial attraction could blossom into a deeper, loving relationship, it is imperative that you remember to proceed with caution and not risk getting hurt over a few sparks flying.

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True Confession

Have you been in love with a person for a very long time? Is it impossible for you to get together, and are you heartbroken because of that? You need to pour your heart out so that you get the answers you deserve, the responses that you desire, and the hurt, pain and crippling desire out of your system. Maybe after reading your story, you may find the true love of your choice, finally. You may find the one person you need who will wipe away all the negativity that your earlier experiences have stamped on your fate. You need to make a true confession and wash off your sin so that you live with a clean conscience, ready to take on the future.
You have to forget the past so that you can pick up the threads of your life and start afresh. Give yourself a chance. Don't kill your dreams before they can be realized. You can wash your conscience clean of all the hurts of the past. You can do society a favour by turning over a new leaf. You can give us all a true confession that will put you in the true light of what you need to do.
Sometimes we make laughable, petty mistakes that need to be cleaned off our conscience so that our heart doesn't weigh too much. If you have the burden of a bad experience or a bad person in your life, then you need to wash it clean before you can embark on the next relationship.
In the case of love, if your heart loves a bad person, and you yourself are bad, you will hit it off well. But if you are a good person embroiled with a bad soul, you need to wash that sin away from your life. Make a promise to yourself so that you get to know exactly what you want from the next, probably real relationship; how to make it last, and how to work in tandem with a new person in your life.
Give true love a chance so that your heart can be constructively occupied with the right people in your life. Living with an offensive person is like living with sin. It's not necessary for you to just keep at it and make things work despite all chaos. Once you make sense of the past, the present will start to make more sense, and you will probably not be in a dysfunctional relationship any more.
It's your heart, don't play with it like a toy.

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Tips for Asian Women Who Want to Date White Men

There's no rule out there stating that Asian women can't date white men. However, it might be a challenge for Asian women to pull it off. There are a few important tips to take a careful look at when finding a white man for any kind of special occasion when trying to find men of all sorts.
First, it is a necessity for a woman to be careful when it comes to showing off her interests. A woman must make sure that she is not trying to project herself as someone who is in it for the money. There is an ongoing myth about Asian women that suggests that they date white men for the money.
It is best to avoid trying to discuss the money issue with any man while dating. The need to focus on a positive attitude while dating is important to take a look at. A woman should be dating a man solely because he is someone that she is interested in and not just because he has something that she might not have at a given time. This is a plan for dating that must be used carefully when finding someone who is actually useful for dating purposes.
Another consideration is to allow for plenty of support for the man. The problem that many white men have with Asian women is that they feel these women are more likely to be domineering in a relationship. They feel that the Asian woman is going to command the relationship and ask the man to do everything according to the woman's will without any added control over anything. This is a real hassle to men.
An Asian woman who wants to date a white man should be sure that she lets him have some sense of control. A fair fifty-fifty split of control is important to a relationship because it makes it easier for the people in the relationship to be comfortable with each other and more likely to keep themselves from dealing with substantial hassles.
Another idea to use when thinking about involves looking for men who are interested in women in general and are not going to be infatuated with just one type of person. An Asian woman who wants to date a white man should be aware of how well that man might act with regards to Asian women. A man should be interested in her because he is just looking for a woman in general.
This is important because there are far too many cases where Asian women end up dating white men who just end up fantasizing about specific women with certain fetishes in mind. This often makes any woman uncomfortable. This has to be controlled carefully to make sure that there are no problems coming from what is to be used here.
Single Asian women should be using these tips if they are going to keep their relationships with white men until control. They have to use these tips to make it easier for them to keep themselves under control.

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How Do I Deal With Unrequited Love? Tips for Guys

Unrequited love is probably the hardest kind of love that a guy can try to deal with. When you know that you feel that way towards a woman and you find out that she does not, it has the tendency to leave you feeling WRECKED emotionally. You know that you can't go on feeling like that. Guys who don't find a way to deal with this end up feeling heartbroken or bitter for far too long and that is definitely no way to live.
So, how do you deal with unrequited love if you are a guy?
1. You have to remind yourself that just because this one woman didn't fall in love with you, that doesn't indicate that no woman would.
I think that a lot of guys feel like when their affections are not returned by a woman, it somehow is an indication that other women are going to feel the same way and you have to remind yourself that this is not the case. There are women out there who might fall for you and you just have to remind yourself that one woman is not representative of ALL women out there. Even though it might seem that way right now, that's not the way that it is.
2. You can't keep thinking about her, because you won't be able to move on if you do.
So, the woman you wanted doesn't want you. What are you going to do about it? If you continue to think about her or try to find a way to make her love you, you are not letting yourself move on and in this case, that is probably the best thing that you can do. When you let go of the idea that you can somehow find a way to win her over, you open up the possibility that you might be able to find another woman.
3. Don't come out of a situation like this without learning something so you can do things better the next time around.
Now, doing things better can mean a lot of things. You might find that you need to work on your ability to make a woman feel attracted to you. You may find that you need to find more opportunities to meet women so that you don't get stuck on just one. You may find that what you really need to do is not fall so hard for a woman.

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My True Valentine

My beloved husband is not my true Valentine.
Oh, I love him dearly alright. He and I complement each other nicely - He calms me when I get worked up about something; I'm better with cleaning, while he's Mr. Fix-It. I'm the one who quickly gets people out the door; he remembers the little things I forget when I'm rushed. Yes, I know for certain he's the only man for me. But there is One greater. And I was made to love Him more.
Contrary to what Tom Cruise says, my husband doesn't "complete me." That spot is reserved for the Lover of my soul.
As I watched men gather in the flower section of the grocery store last night, and saw even more this afternoon, I realized what a sad holiday this is (sad in a funny, sarcastic sense) - These poor men were getting last minute gifts because the loves of their lives would be sad, offended, angry [insert your emotion here] if they weren't "surprised" with a gift on this day of Cupid.
Now I'm not one of those feminist types who hates Valentines Day... I've been there. I'm a woman who, just like millions of others, has high hopes that her husband will do something romantic on this day -- or any day! I still look forward to special surprises and loving gestures, and I'll probably always hope for a nice Valentine's Day gift. But the best thing I ever did for our relationship was to realize that there will be plenty of times of disappointment because he is flawed.
[At this point, I imagine lovely classical musical playing in the background that is suddenly scratched to a halt on the record... ] Whoa, whoa, whoa... say what?! This is supposed to be an article about love and romance... now I'm doggin' my man?? What kind of wife am I?
The kind who has finally let her husband off the hook.
I've spent years with high expectations - elated when he met them, disappointed when he didn't. But recently, I've been reading a book with the lovely ladies in my Wednesday Bible study for college students. It's called "Do You Think I'm Beautiful?" and one chapter particularly touched my heart a couple of weeks ago. In this book, author Angela Thomas describes her take on how we were created to love and be loved by God, and I'd like to share an excerpt with you here. I only wish I could read it aloud as you close your eyes and listen because it is just a beautiful picture in my mind:
"When God looks into the eyes of a woman, He sees all the beauty He created there. He sees every potential and every gift. He sees what can be and redeems what has been. He loves the curly hair you wish you were straight. He is taken with your smile and the shape of your nose. He's crazy about big feet and knobby knees and every curve that is particular to you. He is the one who loves the inside and the outside of you. You were all His idea, and you are physically and emotionally beautiful to Him.
... captivated, smitten, fascinated, spellbound, and delighted. That's exactly how the prince feels about the princess in fairy tales. But this sentiment is not fiction. Enthralled is how God in Heaven feels about you. He is taken with you. Undistracted. Intensely interested. Emotionally connected. He enjoys your laughter and takes pleasure in the way you think. He is not bored with you and would never consider you ordinary. There is no way you will ever go unnoticed with God. You are beautiful to Him. Incredibly, breathtakingly beautiful...
You have heard that God loves you, but maybe you've been like me and misunderstood. His love for you is not just a 'whole world in His hands' kind of love. This love is individual. God and you. One-on-one. Intimate. Personal.
God's love for you is passionate and pure and without reservation. He never holds back or plays games with your heart. There are no riddles with God. This kind of love does not stand you up. He always shows up, always remembers, and always keeps His promises. God's love is unrelenting. He does not turn away even if you do. His excitement does not wane. God's love is not some namby-pamby kindergarten crush. He is not fickle. God has seen you across the room, and He cannot take His eyes off you."
- from "Do You Think I'm Beautiful?" by Angela Thomas
You see, those expectations we have of our Valentines are natural. We were made to be doted on and to be cherished. But our standards are way too high for mankind. That's why no man could ever be our true Valentine, no matter how romantic or handsome he is.
With this in mind, we can ALL celebrate Valentine's Day, regardless of our relationship status! Married, single, divorced, widowed... we can all have the most intimate relationship that will never fail or disappoint. The love we receive on earth can bless us and bring us joy, but it is limited. His love has no bounds.
I may not get the perfect gift on Valentines Day. He might forget to take the trash out. There will be times he isn't on time, lets his beard get longer than I like, or doesn't read my mind and take care of something I hoped he would. But that doesn't make him less of a man. It makes him human. And that's exactly what he is.
One of my loveliest friends inspired this post when she sent me a text earlier today that read, "Have a John 3:16 day! The best Valentine of all!" Amen! My one and only true Valentine.
Now you can close your eyes. Close them and feel His unrelenting love reaching out to you in fascination and delight... and enjoy your Valentines Day.
"I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine." - Song of Solomon 6:3
P.S. Honey, if you're reading this, don't be confused by the words "off the hook." That doesn't mean you don't ever have to go out of your way to do nice things for me. Please remember, after all, that I am also human.
The expectations we have of our Valentines are natural. We were made to be doted on and to be cherished. But our standards are way too high for mankind. That's why no man could ever be our true Valentine, no matter how romantic or handsome he is. That spot is reserved for our Heavenly Father.

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Aromas Stimulate Your Love Senses



Aromas are in the air to awaken our olfactory sense of love. The use of a plants' oil can be very therapeutic for humans. These plant oils promote physical and psychological well-being. Oils promote health, wholeness and balance. There are oils that affect our desire for love. Oils can provide/enhance appropriate moods for love and passion. Pleasant smells work with your heart zone through the olfactory nerve. The olfactory nerve is located in the upper nasal cavity mucosa. The sense of smell (olfaction) arises from the stimuli of the odorant receptors These receptors pass over the nasal epithelium. This olfactory nerve is part of the brains' cranial nerve-one center. Smells are routed to the different brain areas through this cranial nerve. The sense of smell then travels through the lymphatic system of the body.
Agents of essences affect our moods. Men seem to gravitate to the smells of the spice of cinnamon, banana bread and pumpkin pie. Vanilla is a soothing and sweet smell for both sexes. Orange blossom causes an uplift in the mood to arousal. Orange smell was used in ancient Egypt as an aphrodisiac. Black licorice such as in the good-n-plenty candies and the cocoa bean in chocolate can cause excitement in women. Lavender mixed with baby powder causes a calm, soothing relaxed atmosphere. Jasmine provides a romantic feeling while passion increases due to its' passionate floral and woody scent. The Ylang-Ylang smell adds a sensual flair along with almonds. Rose scents work directly with your heart zone.
Many ways exist to deliver these popular love scents. There is a favorite bouquet delivery system being currently used with a cube of wax containing the oil essence in a themed warmer. This warmer uses a high intensity light bulb. This type of system delivers a fragrant vapor that is released from the molten wax. Other delivery systems include scented candles, plug in devices, dried plants/flowers soaked in an oil fragrance and air wicks.
Devices containing different fragrances should not be placed in close proximity to each other. There are appropriate essences for the different areas of your home. An example would be cinnamon in the kitchen.
There are nine specific areas/rooms according to compass locations in a home. Therapuetic oils placed appropriately in your home space areas will serve to be beneficial with living aspirations including love. Aroma scents assist in balancing our seven chakras. Chakras energies are affected by all aromas, because all of our senses register within their energy zones. The heart chakra area will identify with the heart mood aromas.

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In Just 6 Seconds, Get an Excellent Relationship!

These conditions that come along with an efficient way of lifestyle are familiar to most of us: When your some time to power and attempt interval comes at your place while you are in the middle of an important phone get in touch with, you activity for this person to come in and finally get around to release each other 10 minutes later, still feeling a bit nervous from your conversation. Or maybe you just spent an outstanding few times together, but when it's a chance to say goodbye, you know that you are managing late for an assessment - so you rush out the entry right away, hardly the hug your some time to power and attempt interval goodbye.
These rushed conditions are as clear and understandable as they are very typical, but they certainly take a price on connections, because these modifying minutes often set the overall tone for both a couple's time together and their time spent apart. Dr. Bob, a significant connection professional and the author of What Makes Really like Last? How to Create Believe in and Avoid disloyalty, statements that our "rituals of connections are important," because they offer not only to re-establish a connection with our affiliates, but also to protected our connections from disloyalty. "The splitting and collecting [moments] becomes really important," statements Dr. Gottman. Attention spent on each other in modifying junctures provides that "you're important to me, and when you come returning at the end of the day, it's a conference. You issue to me."
How short-term changes can protected your connection from betrayal
Being existing for each other and saying the value of the connection during these modifying minutes is aspect of how affiliates recognize what Dr. Gottman symbolizes as "atonement" - i.e., an in-depth level of understanding that affiliates both have and carefully display to each other. In his guide, What Makes Really like Last, Dr. Gottman statements that this level of typical attunement is a way for affiliates to inoculate themselves against losing down the smooth hill of negative considering their connection that can gradually cause to disloyalty. "One of the other important aspects we discovered about disloyalty was not only about changing away from one another, but it's also about this negative assessment where one affiliate is saying in [his/her] thoughts, 'Who needs this crap? I can do better,'" Dr. Gottman explains. "And that negative assessment gets people to begin eliminating from the connection."
Six a few minutes to a better relationship
The "six-second kiss" is one simple and fun activity that Dr. Gottman followers affiliates include into their everyday minutes of transformation. Described by him as "long enough to meet adoring," the six-second hug performs as a short-term destination within an efficient day and makes a filled with meaning break between the on-the-job attitude (i.e., going to or from work) and a couple's one-on-one time together. Actually, the six-second hug consists of just a part of what Dr. Gottman has known as the "magic five time," which is a quantity of time he's discovered that the most beneficial, most delighted affiliates began devoting to their connections weekly after completing his sessions together. Time spent purposely working on their affiliates during "reunions" and "partings" also involves in an important aspect of the "magic five hours" that these affiliates invest into their connections weekly.
Reunited, and it seems so excellent...
We've all noticed the saying, "You never get a second chance to create a first effect." The same could be said for when you rejoin with your some time to power and attempt interval. Those first few minutes set the overall tone for your power and attempt spent together - either positively or negatively. Introduction your sweetheart with interest provides this person's importance to you while informing your affiliate of the amazing feelings you talk about when you are in each other individual's organization, and generate distributed feelings of his or her own.
A variety of little activities may combine to create sure that your collecting goes well:
Make sure to set aside your mobile phone and any other interruptions first, and then give your affiliate your complete interest as you come returning greetings.
Share a six-second hug.
Say that you are happy to see your affiliate again.
If you use a more casual way of saying "hello" and "goodbye," these obviously simple activities of really like might meet unpleasant at first, but enabling your affiliate know that you are happy to see him or her creates an important, excellent transformation between your while to power and attempt apart and plenty of your power and power and attempt you invest together.
In a long-term connection, Dr. Gottman says that having a "stress-reducing conversation" is an amazing way to effect off a couple's collecting time together. "The one reason analysis has discovered," says Dr. Gottman, "is that if they take 15 minutes each to talk about what exactly is stressful about the day, and their affiliate is a best friend in listening to - without offering guidance or problem-solving - that is very important. You have to have an interval of time structure when you really have your second half's ears; it's an interval of time structure when you really can weblink."
How to create saying "goodbye" even sweeter
Setting a few minutes aside to successfully say "goodbye" to each other can create an amazing difference in a couple's concepts about the connection during plenty of your power and power and attempt they invest apart. So before you zoom ability capability off into the globe going different recommendations, take a second to web link how much you know about your power and attempt together - and maybe get in touch with foundation about when you will be getting together again in the lengthy run. If you do not have a strategy for your when interval, just creating when you will be discussing with each other next ("I'll get in touch with you tomorrow") can help a several keep up their feelings of connection with each other.
You should also try of asking what exactly is ahead for your sweetie so you can offer the proper support later on. "One of the most important aspects you can do in splitting is to discover out what your second half's day is like," Dr. Gottman says. "Find out about anything that is important that is going to occur to your affiliate that day. If she is going to have the afternoon meal with a friend or he has an important phone get in touch with or important conference organized, know about that and what it indicates to her or him."

6:32 AM - , No comments

Love Unlimited

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love (1 John 4:8).
Christianity has gone through many phases and the main focus has shifted to wanting power and a lot of selfishness. Interestingly, God has made everything simple for His children but most don't know it. The Word of God should be your teacher and not life. A lot of the sayings we use now as Christians just came as a result of what we have experienced in this life. Once you become born again, it's time to renew your mind and this can be done by continuously studying the Word of God. If you are a Christian and you respond to situations as someone who is not then something is missing in your perspective of why you are saved. You have to be transformed from inside out. When man fell, he took the nature of the devil and that was selfishness, pride and self proving desires. The corruption that is in the world is through lust; a longing for something or anything in this world. You escape that by taking up the divine nature. You have been called out of darkness into His marvellous light therefore something has to take place from the inside.
For you were once darkness but have now been transformed (translated) into light therefore let your light shine to all the ends of the earth by walking as children of light. We are not praying a prayer just to go to heaven. It's all about becoming like Him (Jesus) on the inside. What profit will you gain when you continuously go to church and do Christian things and still have the unforgiveness in your heart like someone who does not even know God. To have the same spirit of jealousy in your heart like a man who does not even believe in God. It's all about love. When God said let us make man in our own image, He was not talking about physical structure thus two legs and arms but rather His nature, who He is (God is Love). Your created value is love not lust. There is no selfishness in love and no love in selfishness.
We have made Christianity today all about ourselves. We have taken the Gospel of transformation and conversion and made it all about us. We have embraced a selfish perspective of why we are saved and have put a lot on God. This is even seen in our prayer life. Our prayer lives have turned into God I need this or that, do this for me. Always about ourselves. Jesus said if any man comes after me let him deny himself. Why? This is because you were never created for you but for Him for His Glory. Anger, pride, jealousy, frustration and unforgiveness are not normal but are what we became after the fall. We think the people closer to us can hurt us the most. That is psychology not Gospel. The truth is the people closer are those we claim we love and love takes no account of a suffered wrong. Love thinks deeper than what they did. When I am free from you, I can love you. When I am not free from you, you can fail me or let me down. God did not save us just because we are sinful but because He knows who we really are and we were living way below that. If it was because of your sins, you would have been raptured when you got saved but no he wants you to control the world and not be controlled by the world. It's all about value and purpose. Your life is worthy of the blood of Jesus according to God the Father. A high price simply means a high value, but we beat ourselves down thinking that will lift Him up. We pursue blessing and power and forget to give ourselves away to Him. We are so busy trying to have faith and to build faith but it works through love. It comes through knowing Him.
Love is amazing. When you become love He trusts you with stewardship. God is love and without Him you cannot love. You can be emotional all you want but all that has a self-centred root. Love is precious and very broad and only Him can teach you. Continue fellowshipping with the Holy Spirit and your life will never be the same.

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How To Find True Love And, A Love Filled Life

Finding true love is without doubt one of the greatest human desires. The issue of love and relationship seems to pretty much be the top focus for most people. We compulsively talk about it, never stop thinking about it and most people's biggest motivation for living and doing what they do everyday comes from the enjoyment of the feeling and meaning that loving and being loved gives to them. There are some people who are lucky enough to have love find them. Meaning, they did not have to go on a searching rampage to find their relationship partner. That special person incidentally came into their life to give them the quality and quantity of love they are satisfied with. On the other, there are some people who such good luck have not struck, thus needing to take the necessary action to find love and keep it. Though falling in love is a natural occurrence, we may still need to consciously setup ourselves appropriately so that the phenomenon can happen to us.
What do we need to do to find love?
One of the first steps in setting up yourself to find love (or for love to find you) is loving yourself at the maximum level. If you want people to give you the type of love that unfolds into understanding, acceptance, support and appreciation you must be giving that type of love to yourself first of all. Having strong love for yourself builds self-confidence and stimulates the energy needed to really go out there and find someone to add more love in your life. Keep in mind however that meeting someone is not finding love. There may be people you'll meet and consider, but you may not find the type of love you are looking for in them. The best approach is to keep putting yourself out as much as possible until the right love is found. But you also need to display the characteristics that will attract love to you.
There are a number of ways by which you can put yourself out to increase your chances of meeting singles in your quest of finding love. You can begin by making all your friends know that you are looking to meet someone. Also ask them to check for their single friends if they have any for you to meet. Have your friends help you to spread the word out about you and your availability for dating. Get out more and put yourself in the right places especially where the type of people you'll like to date can meet you. Join clubs, pick up recreational activities, hang out more and join a few online dating sites - online dating do work. Despite the horrible stories you may have heard, online dating is working all around the world to create happy relationships. Many people have testified to meeting their partner online, getting married and having long-lasting relationships.
Once you start getting dates you simply need to apply the right principles in your dating life so you can draw in the right person to be the provider of the true love that you need. Express love in every interaction when you meet people. Being kind and warm to the people you meet daily creates healthy relationships, allowing you to expand your capacity to be loved. Don't hold back love for selfish reasons, Love freely everyone you meet. You will soon be in the loving relationship you desire

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Friends to Lovers - Can She Become More Than Just Your Friend?

The interesting thing about trying to be friends with a woman you are attracted to is, as the friendship progresses, you can easily find that what you feel is no longer just attraction, you can end up feeling like you really are in love with her. When that happens and you finally realize that you really do feel that way about her, it can be hard to be around her because you know what you want things to be like and you know that for now, all you really can do is just be her friend. Is there a way that you can somehow change that and make her think of you as being more of a lover and less of a friend?
There is - but, it certainly isn't an easy thing to do. One of the biggest mistakes that a guy can make is to try to just be friends with a woman that he feels very much attracted to. Sure, you might hear about a celebrity couple that got together that way, but you have to remember that they live in a totally different world. What works for them may not work for you and for most regular guys - trying to be a woman's friend first usually puts them square in the friend zone with no way out. So, the best thing that you can do is to make sure that you don't take that approach in the first place.
What if you are already there, though?
You need to get out and by that I mean, you need to stop being that friend that she has grown used to having around all of the time. Each and every time that I have seen a guy actually take a friendship into becoming something more than that, it was because he finally changed the way that he behaved around her and as a result of that behavioral change, it forced her to see him in a different light.
Distance is what you need if you are going to make the transition. It's not going to happen right away, and you need a little bit of distance between you and her. That doesn't mean that you have to literally move or anything like that. It means that you have to get a little bit busy living your own life and doing your own thing.
It's far easier to change the way that she sees you and the way that you behave around her when you have a little distance as a buffer for a little while. Another thing that you really have to do is to start acting like a guy who is actually attracted to her for more than just friendship. You can't be the guy that is going to go to see a movie with her as just friends. Do something like that and it needs to be in the context of it being a date.
As long as you keep doing those kinds of things in the context of just two friends hanging out - then that is what she is going to assume that it is. Change the context and you just might change the way that she feels about you.
Is it possible to go from friends to lovers with a woman?
You bet it is.
Is it going to happen if you keep doing the same things and expect a different result?
Nope.

6:29 AM - ,, No comments

How Do You Win a Woman's Heart - 3 Tips That Will Help You Win Her Over

Let's be realistic about something right off the bat. No matter how hard you try and even if you did all of the right things, there are still no guarantees that you are going to be able to make a woman fall in love with you. She still has her own mind and you might not be able to sway her even if you feel like you have done all of the right things. Still, there are lots of things that a guy can do that will win over a woman and make you much more likely to end up in a relationship with her.
Here are 3 tips if you want to win over a woman and have her feel like you are the one she wants to be with:
1. Be a nice guy, but not too nice.
Yes, there is a distinction that needs to be made. A lot of guys go to extremes on this one. Either they are the kind of guy who will let a woman walk all over them or they are a total jerk because they are afraid that a woman will walk all over them. You don't want to be either extreme. There is nothing wrong with doing nice things for a woman and that will definitely have a positive impact on the way that she feels about you, you just don't want to seem like a guy who is being nice specifically so she'll like you, nor do you want to be a doormat for her.
2. Show her the best qualities that you have.
This really should be easy to understand why it is something that you need to do. If you want a woman to fall for you, there has to be a reason for her to want YOU and not some other dude. In order for that to happen, you want to show her the best qualities that you have.
3. Make her feel sexually attracted to you.
This is something that needs to be done. You don't want to be the nice guy that will say nice things, but NOT turn her on at all. That's what friendships are made for, not passionate relationships. A woman wants to be in a passionate relationship, so you need to know what to do to make her feel sexually attracted to you. Without that sexual attraction, your best bet is ending up in the friend zone with her.


Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7520999

6:28 AM - ,, No comments

Four Strengthening Tips to Achieving a Loving Relationship

This is the first of four strengthening tips to achieving a loving relationship. Relationships are not one-size-fits-all. Everyone is unique, therefore, every relationship is unique and people find each other for various reasons. There are things, however, that satisfying relationships have in common. And knowing these base principles of loving relationships can help maintain meaning within the union. Knowing these basic symptoms can help partners stay fulfilled and excited in both the good times and the not-so-good times.
Before we get into our first of four steps on how achieving loving relationships can indeed be achieved easily, let me ask you this:
What would you consider key ingredients to maintaining a loving relationship?
Here are our tips:
• Remain involved in each other's lives: Over time it is not unusual for partners to slip into a peaceful co-existence. Sadly, the ability to continue being relatable to each other and work things out together often fades away. On the surface the relationship looks solid and stable, however, lack of being involved in each other's lives causes communication to dwindle. So when something important does come up, the need or desire to want to talk to the other person is no longer there. It takes conscious effort to want to be there for the other person and remain an active partner in the relationship.
• Making it through conflicts. As there many different people and different relationships, there are also many different ways of how people work things out. Some can talk things out quietly, others get loud or even yell, while some may even lose control. It's important not to be fearful of conflict as disagreements in and of themselves are not a bad sign, it's how we work through them, how we react, that determines the future success of a loving relationship. Emotional safety is an absolute must-have to resolving any relationship conflict. There can't be any fear of retaliation or judgment. There can only be peace and assurance that no matter what, the other partner will receive them unconditionally and lovingly.
• Keep your interests and other relationships alive. Often people expect their new partner to be the end-all-be-all when in reality it's impossible for one person to meet all of the other person's needs. It's unhealthy to put that much pressure onto another human being. A much better path is for both partners to continue having their friends and maintain contact with them. It is also very common that soon after the relationship starts the two want to spend every minute together. Suddenly personal interests fall by the way side. But as soon as the relationship excitement fades a little, there is a void created that can cause people to get insecure. Don't let this happen to you. Maintain your outside interests along with your outside friendships.
• Communication: The best and most assured way to maintain a loving relationship is to keep your channels of communication open, honest, vulnerable and transparent. Both partners need to feel safe to communicate whatever is on their mind without the fear of getting judged. Trust is a key ingredient here and it strengthens the bond. In addition to verbal communication, don't forget that there are also many non-verbal cues such as body language, eye contact, or a mere touching of the other person's arm.
Summary of our Relationship advice tip 1: Keep physical and verbal intimacy alive
Whether it is communicating or touching - both are important parts of our human existence and extremely important to any loving relationship. Studies have shown that physical touch can increase our body's oxytocin levels. Oxytocin is a hormone that creates a bonding, relaxed type of feeling in both partners. Often times one partner may feel that the only touching needed is intercourse when in fact all forms of touching and communication add to keeping the emotional and physical intimacy alive. Loving relationships need both.

6:27 AM - , No comments

What Is Love?

As we approach and celebrate Valentine's Day, many of us are planning and preparing to celebrate love, but do we really know what that is? What is love? My brother summed up the answer to this perennial question best: Love is a verb. No, it's not just a morpheme used to make a syntactical structure grammatical, but an action. So what does it mean to love? Love is acting selflessly, doing what is best for others, and giving unconditionally.
For eons we've tried to understand what love is, but we've gotten stuck thinking that love is a noun - an object or person to be possessed. No one can ever own another's feelings, choices, or actions. Love is not something that can be bought, earned, or taken. Love is a choice to let go of our selfish egos, and live with compassion and kindness. Selfishness and love are like oil and water. They just can't mix.
Many of us go through our daily lives saying: we love this, that, him, or her... but then turn around and not take care of and disrespect those very things and people. What we really meant to say was that we like, desire, lust for, and wish to possess those things and people. The drives of the ego usually end up damaging and hurting others in some way. That is not love.
Love is unconditional and selfless. If there are conditions, then we are not loving. To love is to be responsible for everything that our intentions, thoughts, and actions do to both animate and inanimate objects. When we love our homes, we keep them clean and maintain them. When we love the planet, we do our best to reduce, reuse, and recycle. When we love our pets, we give them the care, discipline, and the attention they need. When we love another person, we repect their needs and do nothing that might contribute or lead to their suffering. When we love, we have compassion and the wish to do what is best for others.
The Persian poet Hafiz composed a beautiful poem which perfectly exemplifies what it means to love. He said: "Even after all this time the sun never says to the earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that - it lights up the whole world."
Love is a truly selfless act. To love means we, like the sun, give unconditionally without the expectation to getting anything in return. Let's celebrate this Valentine's Day, and every day, with acts of love for our family and friends, for strangers, for animals, and for our whole planet. Love is the highest vibration. All we need is... to love.

6:25 AM - ,, No comments

Strengthening Tip 2 to Achieving a Loving Relationship

Here is our second relationship tip for those who want to create or maintain a loving relationship:
Spend quality time together
Most people have great memories of what it was like when they first started out dating their loved one. Those memories make you smile. Back then everything was new and exciting, you may even have been spending hours just talking and coming up with more stories to talk about. You were adventurous and bold and you wanted to come up with new things to try. These things are needed to create fun relationships.
However, time goes by, children arrive, jobs are demanding, we spend hour commuting and many even share different hobbies and all these obligations make it harder and harder to find time for each other. Time, however, is the most critical and most crucial ingredient to keeping your relationship alive and vibrant. It was time that brought you close in the beginning - giving each other lots of time. And it can also be time which can take you apart - not giving the relationship the time it deserves. Lack of time together will gradually erode and tear down any communication.
If you find yourself in this situation, here are some simple ways to re-connect as a couple and hopefully some of these points will help you rekindle your love for each other:
- Commitment: There must be a commitment and agreement on both people's part to spend quality alone time together on a regular basis. Even if other seemingly more important things creep up, which they will, dedicate the committed time to each other and let nothing and no one interfere with it. Time for couples to really share and connect help to keep your bond strong.
- Togetherness: Find a hobby or some activity that you can do together. Over time couples separate from doing things together as their interests fade. It's important, however, to find something you can do together. Even if it's just sitting and sharing over a cup of tea or coffee in the morning.
- Playfulness: At the beginning of most relationships, couples usually have fun. Over time, however, these playful attitudes and activities fade and give way to resentments. Find something that makes you smile. Go to a comedy club or watch a great, fun movie. Play a fun game. Keep things light hearted.
Let's face it, spending time together is just one part of the equation. Spending fun time together is the other part of the equation. If you start spending more time with your partner but one only wants to use up the time talking about relationship issues, then you can't expect your relationship to start growing closer. Yes, troubles need to be discussed, preferably the moment they occur. However, when you commit to spending more time with each other, it is best to keep the time fun and uplifting.
Give it a try - you may get a new lease on your relationship!

6:24 AM - ,, No comments

More Love, More Power, More Blessing

"More love,
more power,
more of You in my life... "
~Michael W. Smith, More Love, More Power
For all the mess that we are involved in, in life, there is the awesome truth that power and blessing reside in the source of love.
Why would we not want to be blessed? Why would we not want to do everything possible to vouchsafe the processes of blessing and such a beautiful outcome as blessedness?
The resonating splendour of love is the propagator of power and blessing - to the extension of all good things of God - gifts of his goodness and grace.
The more we give away the more we get back.
The more delighted we are to endure hardship, because we have God, the more of this invisible and potent strength we claim, and without even trying; it just comes.
The character of this power is overflowing, burgeoning with everyday fruitfulness to all corners of our lives. The character of this blessing is reliability and faithfulness to the nth degree.
Surely it would only be a fool who would negate love's power and blessing in their lives. But, hang on a minute, we would be those fools because of our preference to engage so much in the antithesis of love; to engage in our sin. The more we devote ourselves to God, the more love we are capable of, and the more power and blessing enrols itself to us.
We need power in this life to make anything of it, but it isn't the power that the world recognises that we need. We need God's power in order to struggle well the entire journey. And the only thing that wins us to this power is love; as we love each other, and in that, as we love God.
We cannot afford to live without love, to live as though we don't care, or to live without passion. Even though such a life is a difficult life, it is an easier life (with fewer regrets) than the life that insists on its own way - and, in the process, rejects love.
***
Love is the be-all and end-all of life. The more we give to love, the more power and blessing we redeem. But power and blessing are not of the world; they transcend the world's form of power and blessing, which is fleeting and full of falsity.
If we want the abundant life, we throw ourselves into a life of love, whatever it takes.

6:22 AM - ,,, No comments

Curing Your Fear of Intimacy in Relationships

Most everyone carries fears about intimacy and being vulnerable. We are afraid of being hurt, abandoned, rejected, humiliated, or betrayed. Some of us are more afraid than others because of experiences that shaped us growing up. Attachment style with our parental relationship serves as a model for adult experiences, particularly in the most intimate of relationships. If a parent is emotionally absent, dismissing, inattentive, constantly distracted or downright cruel and rejecting, the distress confuses the child and desperate behavior begins to intensify. As adults these children fear the threat of rejection or abandonment more than others. They can become extremely clingy and angry, overwhelmed by their unmet dependency needs and unable to contain anxiety. Often, they become people pleasers to receive approval from others.
Adults that have a negative self-image are fearful and doubting in their ability to keep a partner interested and maintain a loved one's attention. They worry excessively about rejection. They are emotionally dependent and constantly feel unappreciated. In intimate relationships they are romantically obsessive and jealous. They tend to take hostages and are preoccupied with their partners.
Some adult children are dismissing and come across as emotionally disconnected, cold, and uninterested in intimate relationships. They can waver between being distant and cut-off emotionally, to being critical and controlling. These people are cynical and have negative views of others. They are particularly guarded, mistrustful, and reluctant to self-disclose in most intimate relationships. They tend to have more break-ups and are less invested in partnerships. They feel less grief or distress when they have break-ups than others experience. They just don't seem to care as much.
Those who don't care at all and are emotionally shut down as a result of trauma are often incapable of human intimacy. If their behavior is characterized by a lack of remorse, lack of empathy, manipulations, and emotional coldness they may be a psychopath. True psychopaths are constitutionally incapable of normal human interaction. If you are in a relationship with someone like this,. You cannot experience genuine intimacy with someone who abuses power and control and deals with emotional discomfort by blaming and attacking.
Many of us have these problems because we are afraid of being hurt or betrayed. We still want intimacy, but are afraid of depending on someone and then getting wounded again. These experiences are a driving force in ambivalence about intimacy. The more painful and unresolved our earlier experiences are the more we crave intimacy and the more we feel threatened by it. This is demonstrated by "come close", "go away" relationship behavior. We get close, get afraid, find fault with our partner, feel hurt and sabotage the relationship. We then find ourselves alone, crave closeness again, and the repetitive behavior starts all over. So if you sabotage intimacy and see it as a negative behavior you want to change, focus on the fear that fuels your actions. You can learn to be compassionate with your fears and with others. When you can see your fears and needs more clearly you can stop the cycle. Love is what we really want and often we are afraid of love without consciously knowing it.
If you love someone and want more intimacy, and a decent relationship, you can learn how to create intimacy better. Find out what your partner needs and how to support those needs. If you pay attention and care about your loved one's feelings, you can learn to be a better (not perfect) partner. And when you stay in a relationship over time you can build your capacity for intimacy.
Thank you for reading this article. I've dedicated my personal and professional life to the importance of non-violence and self-compassion by teaching from my experience. As a result, I've learned a lot about what it takes to create healthy relationships. And, as I learn and grow, I teach self-compassion and give advice I use myself, in the hopes that it helps you to improve your own life.

6:21 AM - , No comments

The One Thing You Must Know About Contentment

My husband calls her Bella, a middle name that describes her beauty. When she sees me her world stands still. She runs and jumps into my arms---such joy, such excitement. She delights my soul. Such is the blessing of grandbabies.
As we play, I watch her. Life is simple. She mother's her dollies and her baby sister. She is content.
I pray.
I find myself wishing I could keep the world from moving in and dismantling the joy and contentment of such simple moments in her life. I wonder how I can demonstrate a life that teaches her this discipline in spite of my own wandering heart.
Genuine contentment flows from what I love, and I confess that sometimes I don't love wisely.
The little one teaches me that only one thing is necessary for contentment. Presence. The giving away of the heart to the one you love.
I feel it when she reaches for me in the night when she's afraid. She touches my face for assurance. Presence calms her. She asks for her song. I sing. Contentment comes. We're both satisfied because we feel the unspoken love between us.
The contentment her love brings draws me to His love.
This is the love we were created for. It paints a picture on the canvas of our souls and opens our hearts to experience the joy of true contentment.
Then the world steps in, and I become aware of all of things that lead me away from the one thing that is most necessary. Presence. His presence. Ann Voscamp says:
"Every moment my inner heart is saying No to the God of the universe-I am saying yes to the enemy of my soul."
I ask myself why it's so hard for me to remain content in perfect love. My heart is so prone to wandering. I chase after the idols of career, success, relationships, and control, believing that somehow they will fill me.
I say I desire contentment in Him, but I chose a divided heart.
I say I desire His peace but I allow chaos.
I say I desire solitude with Him, but I seldom take the time to be still.
Whatever direction I allow desire to take me in will determine the condition of my heart. If I chose unwisely true contentment will elude me.
Then the little one comes and reminds me. She whispers in my ear---a secret. We giggle. She tells me not to concern myself with the duties of the world. We have more important work to do together. She tugs on my hand to suggest the urgency of our mission. "Play," she says, and invites me to step into the wonder of contentment that requires only presence.
The sweetness of presence connects us and makes our world together come alive. It's about knowing and being known. It brings me back to the Father. Back to the presence that stirs my heart and reminds me that He is inviting me moment by moment to experience contentment, just as the little one does, tugging at my heart to know and be known in a way that no one else can.
Jesus is calling us beloved ----receive the gift of contentment today through the gift of His presence.

6:20 AM - ,,,, No comments

Love Advice for Guys - Why You Shouldn't Fall in Love Too Fast


You hear it all of the time, only it usually is talked about after a relationship comes to an end. A guy talks about how quickly he fell in love with a woman and how that probably played a part in the relationship ultimately coming to an end. Even though it may be tempting and it may seem like the right thing to do - you have to be careful about falling in love with a woman too quickly.
Here is why you shouldn't do that:
1. You need to have experience when it comes to dating.
You can't really know what you want in a relationship if you don't have much experience with women. You might THINK you know exactly what it is that you want, but you don't really know until you are in a relationship and you have some idea of what it is that you are really seeking in someone you end up dating. The more experience that you have, the more likely it is that you are going to end up picking the right woman to be with.
2. You need to take time to really figure out who she is.
A lot of the time, when a guy looks back on a relationship where it seems like he fell in love with a woman too quickly, he realizes that he didn't really know the woman as well as he thought he did. If you want to be in a long term relationship that works, you need to really know WHO it is that you are with and it takes time to really get an accurate view of the person you are dating.
3. You don't want to mistake love for intense desire.
Really, a lot of the time when a guy says that he fell in love with a woman really fast, the reality is that it was more like he had an intense desire and intense attraction for that woman. That can be a good thing, but you really don't want to mistake that for being love when it is infatuation at best.
It's okay to want to fall in love, you just have to be careful that you don't move too fast. You need to take your time and gain some experience if you really want to have the best odds of being in a successful relationship. Many guys make the mistake of falling for a woman almost instantly and you really need to check yourself on that.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

12:32 PM - , No comments

How To Find Love - Part One


Many people over the years have asked me about the romantic side of my life. They seemed to need reassurance that finding a mate later in life was truly possible.
Some women (and men) who have spoken to me about the subject of "romance" did not know where they should begin (at age 50, 60 or even 70 years of age) to find a new life partner.
"What did YOU do?" they would ask.
Even today, I had a very similar conversation with a 60-year-old friend who finally cried out in frustration, "Barbara, I really want a close partner in my life again! But where do I start?"
Why Me?
Why are people talking with me about romance and asking me this question? I am not a "romance expert." But I sing about love. And I write about love. And... I was fortunate to find a wonderful new mate several years ago.
So I decided today that I will write about my experience of finding a new mate. And perhaps some of those who read my article will gain some insight (and maybe even a little courage) from reading it.
How To Find Love - Part One
Wading through Grief
I lost my husband of 30 years (Nicholas), to a massive heart attack 8 years ago.
We were lucky. We had had a great marriage. We told one another daily how much we cared - and why we cared for one another. We had no children. Nick was a writer and print & television journalist. I am a singer and vocal coach. We loved each other truly & deeply for those 30 years.
When he was asked one day what he believed made for a successful marriage, Nick's answer was: "The happiness of your mate must be as important as your own happiness... If both of you feel that way, then both partners are well cared for."
I was very fortunate to have him in my life for so many years. But I thought we would be together "forever." So his sudden death from a massive heart attack in 2004 (when he was 58) was a shock. Where did all that spirit and life energy, go?
For days after his death, I wandered around our lonely apartment at night calling out, "Where are you? Where are you?" I would stand and listen for a sound or a sign - my ears prickling with hope. Then, sensing no change in the air, I'd start pacing again. I could not believe that he was really gone.
When the doctor who saw him shortly after his heart attack told me that he was not going to live, I said to him, "No way! This man will not be killed by a mere heart attack."
He died 2 weeks later.
When I finally accepted that Nick was dead, I told close friends that I would not have another man in my life. My life would involve my work, my friends and my family, and that would be enough for me.
And it was. For four years.
Magical Bond
The powerful thing about having experienced a good marriage is that you come to understand the potential richness of a long-standing close relationship. There can be something deeply satisfying, even magical... and humbling about getting to know another person intimately over several decades.
The first 4 years after Nick's death were a time of healing for me. But one day I realized that I was no longer just missing him personally - but I was yearning, more generally for those precious feelings of closeness; coming home to someone who is eager to hear about your day; talking about your partner's dreams and aspirations; finding ways to help those dreams come true. (Even later in life, we can still dream big dreams!)
I also missed the physical side of a happy relationship; touching, kissing, hugging, and good, passionate sex.
Open to New Love
Gradually, I prepared myself for the possibility of finding a new mate. I took off my wedding ring and wore it around my neck on a gold chain for several months. Then I decided to take a road trip to re-visit some of the places where Nick and I had lived and loved. I said a profound goodbye to him during that trip. Shortly after returning, I removed the chain and ring and affirmed to myself: "OK, I am open to finding a new beau."
I have written this bit of history in some detail so that you will understand the spirit in which I came to my search for a new life mate. My marriage had been happy. So it was not a leap of faith to open myself to the possibility of finding another "love-of-my-life."
It would take the length of a book to give you the details about my search. Instead, here I will offer you a shorter version of the process, including some hard facts.
How To Find Love (At least, this is how I did it.)
• After doing the work (in music) that paid my bills, I made finding a mate my top priority. It was very time consuming, but for the most part, it was a lot of fun.
Insight #1
Attitude - I knew that if I did not find someone with whom to share my life, that I would still be OK. I did not feel that having a man in my life was necessary for me to have a good, happy or successful life. I like very much a quote from Byron Katie (avery unique therapist) - "You want to find the love of your life? Look in the mirror."
I believe that that attitude allowed me to relax in my search. I did not feel desperate or needy. Most of the time, I felt like I was on a fantastic journey. Truly! Even the disappointments were not too difficult to absorb.
For example: One guy, whom I had been dating pretty intensely for several months, dumped me at a restaurant, just after we ordered a big meal. Then he wanted me to stay and finish eating it with him! ("Let's not waste this great food!")
I suspect that when you lose someone who has been very close to you - it puts other difficulties into a new perspective. I had been through hell with Nick's death. So being dumped over tandoori chicken was not so bad. I cried a bit at home and then got back on the horse. (No, I did not stay to eat.)
I hoped to discover a wonderful person with whom I could live my life. And I decided that the path to that discovery was also going to be compelling and full of richness. I wanted to really live the journey. And not allow myself to suffer too much while doing it.
Gratitude - Every morning, as I put my feet onto the floor, I gave thanks for the coming day. As I walked into the kitchen and breathed in the morning air, I would say out loud, "Thank you!"
Sometimes, I did not feel very much like saying it. My days of work could be long and tiring. But I tried to follow that ritual each morning. Somehow, I felt it was important to be deeply grateful for what I already was and for what I already had - even as I was asking that someone new come into my life.
Dancing is Sexy
I took up dancing - (salsa, bachata, merengue) - at first to improve my ability to move on stage as an actor/singer. But later, it became a way to meet a lot of different men.
And it worked!
I was fortunate to have a friend who was about my age who also hoped to meet someone. So we went out to these dances as a team. The dancing aspect of it was pretty tough. Neither of us was very good at first. And some of the more accomplished male dancers were hard to please on the dance floor. (My friend and I had to support one another through some very tearful self-esteem issues.) Especially when one or the other of us found ourselves holding up the wall for most of the dances.
But we were out there talking, laughing and meeting different kinds of people. It was good practice for two women who had been out of the dating world for many years.
SUGGESTION! If you are at all drawn to it, I recommend dancing to both men and women. Take some lessons. Learn the moves. Aside from meeting lots of people, you also become more graceful, rhythmic and musical. And you gradually lose weight. So you look better and feel better!
In addition to all these benefits, the act of dancing is so much fun (and engaging) that you forget your troubles while you are doing it and just move. It's a very groovy way to step out into the world!
Meditation On "Seeing"
I felt that one of my biggest challenges was staying open enough to be able to SEE him, when someone "appropriate" came into my life. I had been doing my own form of meditation for several years. But now, I meditated on two specific things:
  1. Openness to seeing who was in front of me:
  2. I did not want to describe the "perfect" person to myself and start looking for him.
  3. I could miss someone wonderful by being too limited in my vision. So I meditated on staying open and "wise."
  4. Meditation on becoming a better version of myself.
By the way, for me, meditation means (for about 20 minutes):
- getting into a quiet, comfortable place, closing my eyes,
- concentrating on breathing until my mind calms down
- and then making a statement to myself. For instance, I would say to myself:
"I want to begin seeing the world and my potential mate - from a deeper place."
- And then... staying as mentally quiet as possible, in order to listen.
Of course, I could write much more about this aspect of my journey,
but these are the bare essentials of the process that I feel helped me in many ways.
Singles Who Schmooze Together...
In Montreal (as in many cities) there are numerous organized groups that meet up for various activities. I was on two mailing lists that went out to several hundred people in each group. I went to a few of these events: A dance party at a pub; a BBQ in the summer etc.
I met some very nice people. But mostly these events taught me how to talk with strangers who were looking for a mate. For me, that took some learning. In conversations, there was often an undercurrent of - "Is s/he a candidate for me?"
I found it a bit nerve wracking. A bit like being an aging model on a runway. But over time, I calmed down and just spoke with people normally - without too much inner judgment. I found that many of the men (and women) at these events were truly interesting and fun.
Some told me that they had been going to events for a one or two years. They may have dated a bit, but it didn't work out. And they were back to the singles events again. Others seemed to be there just for the company, or for the pleasure of the "hunt."
All in all, I enjoyed the process. I went out with one lovely man, (not the one who dumped me over dinner) - but it didn't work out for me. He was too serious too soon.

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