sasalovesmsma

Understanding how people treat love is best explained in the metaphor of the process of making plunger coffee. Imagine a coffee plunger, and in that coffee plunger you mix coffee and hot water so there is a murky liquid of coffee, a blend of granules and water. You want to get rid of those granules, so you push down the plunger and there is a cup of coffee without all the yucky granules. In relationship based on a hardened ego, your ego wants to push the plunger down so there is only "clean" water, with all the yucky bits down under that plunger. So you judge and criticise, help them change, modify their ways, so that all their yucky bits are under the plunger of your threats and anger. Now there is a big collection of mud under that plunger and you are saying, "I will hold relationship with everything above the plunger, but all that other stuff, I want eradicated". You might even think there is someone out there, in the big wide world that does not have that dirty muck, hidden under their plunger.
Your ego can invent heroes, ideological heroes, men and women who have no dirty bits, and so your ego compares who you are to this hero, heroine. So, you start to complain because this lover in front of you is not like the dream you had, the ideal one, with no dirty bits. Those heroes and heroines are invented to avoid pain. Because someone in the past abused you, or died, or didn't look after you, or wasn't honest, your ego invents the coffee plunger that will make sure that whoever you love is "clean of that stuff."
Then you say, "I need to trust you" but really you are saying, "I need to see if you are the same as my clean water coffee plunger" except what you don't know, what the ego doesn't ever want to know, is that everybody has the same stuff. We are all made of the same materials. We are not different, it's just that some people are coffee before the plunger goes down, and some people are coffee after the plunger goes down.
That person, the coffee after the plunger goes down, perhaps a born again Christian, religious fanatic, or a really guilty new age man, has pushed down so bloody hard, that all the granules are compressed on the bottom, and they think they have gone away. All the "sins" are away, they present a mask, and if your hero looks like the mask they present (the coffee plunger pressure), then you say, "Not only did I fall in love, now I want relationship", but what is not heard, is, "with this mask".
All those granules are there, in everyone, but we push that plunger down and try to get the "sweet" me to the top, and the "bad me" to the bottom. What is most disappointing is that even if you are a religious fanatic, or a yogi devotee, after 20 years of devotion, you relax and find yourself with all those old granules that were there before, Your practice and beliefs were forced. All those people you went into relationships with, argued with until they changed, until you got clean water, were not bad after all; they were like you.
So, the hardened ego defines a "good and lovable" person as what is above the totally pushed down plunger. The hardened ego tries to get all the granules out of the relationship by arguing, complaining, seducing, being jealous, advising, being nice, being mean. The ego even goes to health camps and spa centres hoping to get someone to agree that your opinion of that boyfriend/girlfriend, who has granules in their coffee, is wrong. This is what we mean when we say, a hard ego. It means you seriously believe that by arguing and manipulating, you are going to change yourself or your partner. That's the pressure on the plunger.
Real Love means that you lift the plunger up, and embrace the whole of life, the whole of your love, the whole of yourself. There is nothing to change in your lover; they are just the mirror of the difference between your ego created hero, heroine and reality. There is nothing for the ego to defend there is nothing for the ego to protect or project , it is all perfect as it is.
Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.
Emerson
Ancient Yogic Text
We are immortal souls living and growing in the great school of
earthly experience in which we have lived many lives. Vedic rishis
have given us courage by uttering the simple truth, "God is the Life
of our life." A great sage carried it further by saying, "There is one
thing God cannot do: God cannot separate Himself from us. This is
because God is our life. God is the life in the birds. God is the
life in the fish. God is the life in the animals. Becoming aware of
this Life energy in all that lives is becoming aware of God's loving
presence within us. We are the undying consciousness and energy
flowing through all things. Deep inside we are perfect this very
moment, and we have only to discover and live up to this perfection
to be whole. Our energy and God's energy are the same, ever coming
out of the void. We are all beautiful children of God. Each day we
should try to see the life energy in trees, birds, animals and
people. When we do, we are seeing God Siva in action". The Vedas
affirm, "He who knows God as the Life of life, the Eye of the eye,
the Ear of the ear, the Mind of the mind - he indeed comprehends
fully the Cause of all causes."
Aum Namah Sivaya.